I knew Don as a colleague at our inland Empire chapter of CAMFT, where he served as chapter president as

well as board member at large, always an enthusiastic supporter of our seminars and positive promoter of our

group. I attended a number of psychodrama sessions with him as well, which offered insight and were not only

informative, but personally helpful. I also got to know Don some in the context of music, which we both

enjoyed. Don had a great bass voice, singing for many years I know in the choir at the University United

Methodist, and he invited me along to go caroling with him and his church group a couple of times as I also sing

and play the piano. Though Don was a churchman and a previous pastor, he was never heavyhanded or pushy

about religion, but he was positively evangelical with regard to psychodrama, to which he devoted much of his

life.

But more than anything, Don was my friend. He was a great listener and always offered support that was free of

any sense of judgmentalism, and he had a quiet way of conveying his unconditional acceptance with just a few

words. These are rare traits, and ones that I value highly. I’m so glad we could spend some quality time together

and that he was able to come to the IE-CAMFT holiday party in December. I wish I had realized our time was

so short--it seems there is never enough time for the important, meaningful things in life and I just hope he

realized how much I appreciated him. I will miss you Don, my dear friend.

Carol A. Bouldin

“Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?”

It’s a Wonderful Life

That is my favorite quote, from my favorite Christmas movie. So, my daughter surprised me this Christmas with the above plaque. I didn’t know it would come to have special meaning this year. As most of you might have heard by now, Don Miller, our colleague, died on New Year’s Eve. He was 88.

Don Miller was a psychologist, therapist, author, Past President of Inland Empire CAMFT, and as I came to experience, a Psychodrama Master. He was so passionate about his trainings, which were free. I cherished the times watching him at work. Taking a group of strangers from awkward encounter to sharing intimately came from the sheer sincerity of his direction. There was no doubt he believed in his craft, and it drew others in. The artistry of the way he directed seemed to come so naturally to him. Emulating his methods helped me deepen the experience I am able to provide for my clients.

Something else which enabled intimate revelation and sharing was the way Don seemed to truly value people. Always willing to listen, he remembered your name and your story, and tried to help create a cathartic healing. Wanting to empower people with life skills and tools, he was always willing to share information. He was the eternal student himself.

Knowing his diagnosis and how he stayed so positive to the end, is a true inspiration to me. I cannot imagine how difficult it was for him in these last months, but he chose to spend some of his last moments with us at our Christmas Party. I am touched and grateful for his example.

On a personal note, having lost my father at four, I am sensitive to looking for men to be who they say they are. Don was someone who had earned my trust. I was able to do important work in his groups, because I believed he cared.

Yes, Don, your life touched so many others with its godly example; your passing will leave a hole in our group. We will miss you!

Janine Murray

PEACE ON EARTH & WITHIN

This is that time of year when “Let there be peace on earth and goodwill towards all people," is posted everywhere and is repeated in our music.  We as therapists know as hard as achieving world peace can be, personal peace can be as much a challenge.

Post-traumatic Stress Disorder is one of the diagnoses that can greatly undermine attempts at peace. Depending on a person’s source of comfort, whether it be God, family, or a belief in a higher power, unless there is education on the dynamics of PTSD, the person feels unable to control the fear or to feel grounded.

I have done work in churches in Rwanda, Africa, after the genocide.   A common theme repeated itself which churches who were trying to help orphans found confusing.  Orphans who were considered stable emotionally became reactive upon adoption.  These children who had been through so much and had witnessed horrific violence, had found a place of peace but it seemed that the war lived on inside them.   After adoption into a peaceful family setting, they began to be instigators of crisis.  It was necessary to educate the church and the orphans on the dynamic of how someone with PTSD develops behaviors that get them through the trauma.  They were not prepared for the peace which created fear as it provides no distractions to keep them from imagining when the next crisis will happen. So in their overwhelming anxiety, they create a crisis themselves because they know how to survive in crisis.

For our clients, we can be that place of education, teaching these dynamics and normalizing their thoughts and reactions.  Where there is understanding, the journey to peace begins.   

Wishing you a Merry Christmas and personal peace!  

And praying for Peace on Earth,

Janine Murray, MFT

President, Inland-Empire CAMFT

 Oprah was not the originator of a gratitude journal, but her promotion of it has changed lives.  It encourages going past "seeing the glass half full" to truly embracing that at anytime, there are always things for which to be grateful. 

A cognitive challenge is to look for the evidence of the thought.  Clients who struggle with depression are many times the ones who are prone to a world view that life is like a roller coaster. A more balanced view can be encouraged by emphasizing that life is more like a road.  There are joys and struggles at any given time.  Two questions that can assist the client to identify this for her or himself is to ask "So what is working?" or "What has been a source of comfort or joy?"  At this time of Thanksgiving we can all benefit from identifying our sources of gratitude.  Daily, it can become a personal place of peace. 

 

An exercise that I do and I know others do as well around the Thanksgiving table, is to state for what we are grateful or thankful.  It is a way to bring "peace" to the table and renew a new way of acknowledging one another's lives.  It also can break the cycle of some of the negative conversations that shadow family communication.

 

Whatever your family experience, I wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving and a time of gratitude.

 

Janine Murray, MFT

President - Inland Empire CAMFT

With the holidays approaching, I am reminded of the importance of community.  For me as a therapist, one of the most difficult clients is one without family.  The lack of family might be due to a courageous choice to not be involved with a toxic family system.  Or, the lack of family might be the result of a rejecting system. The reasons are many. Perhaps it was a divorce, self-absorbed parents, rejection of a lifestyle choice, an emotionally distant non-communicating family, guilt, estrangement, inability to bridge physical distance or reconcile differences, or being the lone survivor of a family. The holidays represent the trek of going to the place we are best known.  The talk, like the food, is familiar and one of comfort.  Humor, like the conflicts, seems to make sense because it comes from a place of shared values. 

 

The double standard that still seems to exist in America, as well as with many of the clients I see, is we still aren't comfortable making families of choice instead of blood.  In America, there is a lot of talk about alternative families, while still remaining in the families with whom we have history.  We as therapists have an opportunity to normalize seeking families of choice for whatever reason family ties have been broken. 

 

I've heard many reports of symptom reduction by being with these families of choice as opposed to being with families of origin A gift our clients can give themselves this holiday season is a new definition of family, one that is based on shared values of love and commitment, true acceptance, and one that enables them to be their best selves and where they can grow.

Is Violence “Cultural?”

 

When violence is minimized and there are only minor consequences, if any, is violence seen for what it is, or is it seen as “cultural?”

 

We therapists have been trained extensively in being culturally sensitive and are encouraged to have clients educate us on their own cultural norms.  Having trained social workers, pastors, and staff in Rwanda, Africa, I have been challenged to define what is "cultural.”  Until approximately five years ago, there was no marital rape in Rwanda as the very act of being married entitled the man to sex, whether there was consent or not.  In fact, until the late 1970's, there was no marital rape law in America as well.   Having worked with the police and the public, there remains a misunderstanding of domestic violence and other violence against women.  The military is rampant with accusations of rape. Now we have the "Yes means Yes" law, which implies there was an entitlement if the rapist does not hear the word "No.” 

 

A recent violent incident revealed how some people still feel about violence against women. Professional football players, who are paid to be tackled and who practice being hit to dangerous levels, find it acceptable to consider this part of their manhood.  There is pride in believing they can "take it".   The irony in this case is that a professional football player who was supposedly hit by his girlfriend in an elevator, felt so threatened by her that he knocked her unconscious.  This implies a sense of entitlement or a “right” to respond violently if a woman resists control or intimidation.  Now if one person in a culture can rationalize their entitlement to violence, is that person a reflection of the culture or is it our collective response that makes it culture?  Until a video surfaced, the NFL commissioner initially disciplined the player with only a two-game suspension and the team for which he played supported him, even holding a press conference at which his victim said she “deeply regrets the role that she played the night of the incident.”We need to consider the impact of this. What do we identify as culture, and what do we identify as violence, and who is held responsible? 

 

I can list the statistics on rape, domestic violence, human trafficking, and female genital mutilation, but we have heard them. Our thoughts about violence make a difference, and I hope violence is never considered culture, wherever it happens. I hope violence is seen as violence.

 

Janine Murray, LMFT, President, Inland Empire CAMFT

 

 

I hope you are all taking the time to enjoy your summer in this place of resort living.  I'm reminded of all the opportunities we have here, when friends and family visit.   

I wanted to pass on some of the information that was discussed at the Inland Empire Board Retreat on July 25, 2014, that you were all invited to attend.   

The issues covered were whether to sign the new CAMFT Chapter agreement and Assembly Bill 1775, which would require all Mandated Reporters to report any client who views child pornography. 

 Chapter Agreement

The Chapter Agreement was part of the CAMFT Board plan to transform CAMFT into a generic mental health organization and was sent out within days of the June 2013 bylaws passage. Since we as CAMFT chapter members voted against changing the name and organization, we see no reason to accept a chapter agreement that was created to implement that transformation. After an open discussion of Board members, a vote was taken and it was unanimously decided that we would stand with other Chapters to not sign the Chapter Agreement for the following reasons:

• We already have a chapter agreement with CAMFT that encompasses what we need

·         There is conflicting legal double speak in the new agreement

·         It would obligate us to more administrative work and would indebt us financially

·         We were not given an adequate explanation as to the purpose this agreement serves for the chapters and we think there should be a clear explanation of the purpose.  This is a time of healing and reestablishing trust as an organization, so transparency is paramount in order to achieve that. 

 Assembly Bill 1775

In our discussion of Assembly Bill 1775 that would require mandated reporting of clients who view child pornography, there were various perspectives, but all were in agreement that, even though the bill had good intentions, it was a "slippery slope" with regard to how abuse is defined, especially when there is no identified victim who has been directly abused and unclear as to what would happen after the reporting. We too felt that it may be counterproductive in that the client would cease to be open in treatment or continue treatment if revealing the use of pornography would require a report to be filed.

We discussed an email that had been circulated through the CAMFT thread citing research which found that viewing pornography had kept some pedophiles from acting out. When I went on the Internet, I found a study which supported the opposite relationship, linking viewing child pornography with molesting children.  It is summarized below:

“Porn use and child abuse: The link may be greater than we think, a controversial study suggests” by Tori DeAngelis  December 2009, Vol 40, No. 11  Print version: page 56

The opening summary reads, “Clinical psychologists Michael Bourke, PhD, and Andres Hernandez, PsyD, have been making waves in the psychology and law enforcement communities with the recent release of a paper suggesting that men charged with Internet child pornography offenses and those who commit hands-on child sex offenses are, in many cases, one and the same."  See:  http://www.apa.org/monitor/2009/12/child-abuse.aspx

I hope whatever you believe about the bill or clients viewing child pornography, you will be encouraged to dialogue and do some personal research on this subject. With the Internet, this is a definite issue affecting many of our clients, whether they be victims or perpetrators.          

 

As you now know, the petitioned candidates were all voted in and that means that we were successful in joining together to make a difference.  I attended the CAMFT conference in Indian Wells and wanted you to know a few things if you were not able to attend.  There were over 600 CAMFT members attending.  There was an Annual business meeting with 120 members in attendance, though it was not enough members to vote on any matters.  A quorum is 180 members. 

I wanted to pass along some information I have learned about the LPCC’s.  I think there is still a lot of confusion over their impact in California.

 

1. LPCCs have their own organization, and chose not to be part of CAMFT: http://calpcc.org/ They've had it for several years.

2. In ALL other states, LPCCs pre-existed before MFTs; MFTs came second. This is not the case in CA which is why we have more MFTs in our state than the whole rest of the country combined - and that's because of CAMFT. In the other states, MFTs are a small percentage of the mental health professionals (I think the figure is around 5%). But again - that's because MFTs came second, behind LPCCs. LPCCs NEVER "took over" and "beat out the MFTs" in other states. It's simply that MFTs came afterwards and the license has never gained in popularity outside of California, probably due to grad schools already set up for LPCs/LPCCs in other states, unlike here. Recall California was the 50th state to adopt the LPCC license and we waited a long time.

3. AAMFT is an organization promoting "marriage and family therapy" not "Marriage and Family Therapists" - HUGE difference. Anybody who practices therapy with couples and families can be a voting member of AAMFT. They simply have to profess that they've had training and education in marriage and family therapy, and that it's a significant portion of their practice. Therefore psychologists, social workers, professional counselors, pastoral counselors and even psychiatrists can all be members of AAMFT.

 

If you missed the April 25^th meeting where CAMFT Executive Director Jill Epstein was our guest speaker, you can watch videos of the presentation by clicking on these links:

Part I

http://youtu.be/XeDS7q6q8ks

 

Part II

http://youtu.be/Y-DBvnL6oVI

 

I look forward seeing you at the next Inland Empire CAMFT meeting, Friday, May 23, 2014.

 

 

Janine Murray, LMFT

President, Inland Empire CAMFT

When We Unite, We Can Effect Positive Change

As the new Inland Empire CAMFT President, I want to invite you to be involved in this amazing profession we have by joining us in our monthly meetings.

This is the most important time in CAMFT’s history, considering last year’s bylaw debate.  As you may know, the CAMFT Board attempted to change the CAMFT association into one that was for “all” mental health professionals.  Instead, therapists across the state unified together, with “SAVECAMFT.ORG” leading the way, to preserve our profession.  As I write this, I do not yet know if we successfully brought in the SAVE CAMFT candidates to help promote the vision for CAMFT to remain as it was.

One of things we learned was that as members, we can be unified and effect change.  As the CAMFT Board had not been transparent about their intent to change the focus, we members came together in a large turnout and stated what we want: every other mental health profession has representation, and we need CAMFT to solely represent our interests!

As I think over our profession and how we facilitate a new vision for our clients, I think of a quote by Maya Angelou, “When we know better, we do better.”  We help people “do better” in their relationships.  We therapists play that very important instrumental role of reflecting hope.  We listen, reflect, instruct, reframe, validate, affirm, laugh with and encourage, all the while inspiring with words that say change is possible.  Our presence resonates that the client has value and that she or he has the answer within. 

At this time, stop and slowly let the many clients who have come through your office come to your mind, all those clients representing families, marriages, and precious lives in need of restoration.  And then think of all the estimated 30,000 members of CAMFT, who also do this essential work.  Let’s applaud one another and hold each other up.  We need each other’s support.  I am personally thankful for a sense of a renewed strength springing from the unified belief that this profession is not only vital, but is worthy of having its own association.  We need to value one another as well as what we do.

 

Janine Murray, MFT

President

Inland Empire CAMFT

 

Therapy Is Hard Work! Part 2

 

Here is a compilation of recommendations that you submitted to me in response to my question, “What do you do for self-care when the going gets clinically or administratively rough?”  

This is what Teresa Alvarado does for self care: 

1)       I make sure I get a massage every month.  Not only does my friend take out all the kinks in my neck/body, but it’s also a time to catch up. I tell myself I’m totally worth it!   

2)       I do some exercise.  Now, I’m not a fanatic, but I do enjoy Zumba classes and walking my dogs.  Zumba is a great way to release all that stress, burn some calories and also have fun at the same time.  I love the outdoors, so what better way to enjoy the outdoors, then spending it with my hubby and my dogs.   

3)       I also love to read.  I’ll read something totally opposite of psychology (though I read this too, of course), ie romance, comedy, suspense.  I grab my lounge chair and sit where the sun can hit me.  Sometimes I’ll just sit there, close my eyes and enjoy the sounds and smells (a little of mindfulness).

Another colleague, Carol A. Bouldin, suggests:

 

            4)      Talk to a trusted friend.

            5)      Meditate.

            6)      Find some solitude.

            7)      Get in nature, even if it's just your back yard.

            8)      Do something physical (especially outside). Nature is a great healer.

            9)      Dance!  

 

Doreen’s contribution is:

 

10)       Attend functions with your fellow clinicians, such as the monthly IE-CAMFT meetings, or the upcoming 50^th Anniversary CAMFT Conference,   May 1-4. It’s energizing, reassuring and rewarding to continue your            learning, while socializing with colleagues. Be sure to consult one of your    peers or the attorneys at CAMFT with questions or concerns about your     clients. Tucking a tidy note about that consultation into your notes adds to your credibility, and you can feel assured that you took the steps to    provide the best possible treatment.

 

            11)     Arrange for some ongoing consultation, mentoring, supervision or   even your own professional therapy if needed. This can be a fine way to       offload some of the weight on your shoulders, while “sharpening your          saw”, as Stephen Covey referred to it.

 

            12)      Get plenty of rest! I know I do better therapy after a nap =) !

 

Doreen Van Leeuwen, LMFT, Interim President

 

P.S. Be sure to VOTE in the CAMFT election this month. Ballots have been sent out. If you have not received yours, please call the CAMFT office at 888-892-2638888-892-2638.