So often clients report a disturbance (sadness, shame, guilt, fear, anger) in their body, with an associated image of an emotional part. (e.g. a fetus, young child, teenager, an adult, "saboteur"). During this type of episode the emotional part is triggered (moved) from long term memory into working memory. It is while in working memory that the emotional part can be soothed — and when it is soothed, the client reports feeling less disturbed. This is a powerful moment, and for me, hearing of such powerful moments is why I love doing therapy.

When I presented at an IE-CAMFT training many years ago, I was excited to share what I hoped would be used to bring about such transformative moments. I felt inspired and hoped the audience felt the same. New information, presented by thoughtful professionals who find joy in soothing those parts of the professional mind that yearn for knowledge, that's what IE-CAMFT training/CEU opportunities are all about.

And when the presentation is over, several past CEU opportunities are available ON DEMAND on our website at ie-camft.org. Look for ON DEMAND LIBRARY and more will be available soon. Don't Delay in checking these out, since all available presentations are free of charge for members (for now)!! Questions? Don't hesitate to reach out to iecamft@gmail.com (mailto:iecamft@gmail.com).

I love being part of IE-CAMFT. It makes me feel that I'm part of the big picture, and that keeps me hopeful!

Warmly,
Paul Velen, MS, LMFT

Nothing done for another is wasted.

Well, It happened again. I was able to hear my clients with a new ear after a training with Lynn Aguilar, LMFT. As a client reported a painful new emotional experience after years of feeling numb, she felt like a failure. But, as I listened I could hear Lynn reminding me that this client had forgotten how to pay attention to how she felt — and was relearning how to do so. So, instead of feeling shame we were able to assess social, cultural norms and folkways that perhaps have no value for her. This allowed my client to champion her own dissonant felt sensations.

This was progress for which my client and I could rejoice!

Presented by thoughtful professionals who find joy in sharing their wisdom, IE-CAMFT training/CEU opportunities are great catalysts for this kind of learning.

We appreciate that you cast your vote/and or nominate yourself for Board of Directors and thanks for all you do for our professional organization, IE-CAMFT.

Good News!!!

Several past CEU opportunities are available ON DEMAND on our website at ie-camft.org. Look for ON DEMAND LIBRARY and more will be available soon. Don't Delay in checking these out, since all available presentations are free of charge for members (for now)!! Questions? Don't hesitate to reach out to iecamft@gmail.com.

I love being part of IE-CAMFT. It makes me feel that I'm part of the big picture, and that keeps me hopeful!

Warmly,
Paul Velen, MS, LMFT

Nothing done for another is wasted.

I often begin initial client assessment sessions by asking what words they would use to describe themselves. My answer to the same question would be "helpful" and passionate. That's because helpful and passionate are how I like to be seen by others.  It's a good day when I know I'm perceived this way by clients. It's when I'm not seen as helpful and/or passionate that I'm not feeling good. This bad feeling leads to not feeling well, which leads to being symptomatic (panicked, anxious, depression).  Still, I'd rather feel those not-so-pleasant feelings rather than think I'm not helpful. It's disturbing to be seen as other than how I want to be seen, and I've found a successful tactic for dealing with it: Learn something new.

When listening to one of our IE-CAMFT speakers, I get not only information, but also their passion to share it. I sense that I can use the new information to be more helpful in the future. And, this soothes me ... my brain is renewed, reconfigured, and filled with new learning. IE-CAMFT training CEU opportunities are a terrific conduit for this type of learning, presented by speakers both helpful and passionate.

Several of these CEU opportunities are available ON DEMAND on our website; Check out our On Demand Library. While some of these CEU opportunities are available now, more will be available soon. Don't delay in checking these out; for now all available presentations are free of charge for members and a small fee for non-members. Questions? Don't hesitate to reach out to:
iecamft@gmail.com.

I love being part of IE-CAMFT. It means I'm part of a bigger picture, and that keeps me hopeful.

Warmly,
Paul Velen, MS, LMFT

Nothing done for another is wasted.

A Happy New Year to all! My wish for you includes many moments free of threats to your sense of safety.

Wishing for you all a stockpile of long term memories of emotional safety that can be drawn into working memory, and turn off, if even for a moment, any need to be vigilant for threats to your well being. I think Stephen Porges, PhD would call that state a "ventral vagal brake". In that safer state, it is possible to resolve conundrums with surprising ingenuity.

Of course, to have such a stockpile you have to have safe experiences either real or imagined to draw from. Personally, the feeling that comes with learning something new, or having old understandings extended, adds to my good feeling stockpile. Also, sitting amongst other members of my tribe (in vivo or online) enhances that feeling of purpose with others I enjoy so much!

I love being part of IE-CAMFT. I'm glad to be part of a bigger picture. It keeps me hopeful.

Warmly,
Paul Velen, MS, LMFT

Nothing done for another is wasted.

As the world feels medically safer, myself and my friends and family are more comfortable being together. I recently met with extended family and it felt so good to connect; hugging and sharing again.  We humans yearn for safe connections with others, the amount and quality of that connection varying from person to person. But we are an adaptive species, one which can choose to isolate if it seems safer to do so. Recently a family member related how he isolates himself from time to time, even from his wife.
 
A car person, this family member is the proud owner of a bright yellow '56 Chevy. He reports that he has to "fill all his gas tanks" periodically, including the figurative tanks that fuel his psyche. His wife added that during these times it can seem as if he's "not there" when she reaches for him. Attempting to mollify her he explained that these "tank fillings" take time.

A client reported that lately she felt "disconnected" from the world, but that talking to this writer helped her with these feelings. She reported sleeping difficulties and trouble maintaining daily and evening rituals she adopted over the past year, rituals that helped her to feel safer. By her report she is now having more interactions with others but that these contacts put her "on overload". Although she yearned for such contacts, perhaps she needed a time out for refilling her emotional "tanks". Moving too fast without the requisite emotional fuel was triggering, leaving her feeling out of control.  
 
We humans like to feel in control in the context of our connections. IE-CAMFT offers members the opportunity to widen our range of connections at a pace that feels safe for each member.
 
I love being part of IE-CAMFT. I'm glad to be a part of the bigger picture. It keeps me hopeful.
 
Warmly,
Paul Velen, MS, LMFT
Nothing done for another is wasted.

"All that's you is now.  There is no past".  

A client was trying to explain her inner experience to me, but I was just not getting it!  She was so patient as she explained that there was no past, just the present.  
 
My adult clients tell me about disturbing memories of past events when it is the current disturbance in current working memory that is troubling them. When past events remain disturbing as we remember them now it's because we did not have the information needed to make sense of the event when it was happening. Remembering a past disturbance is another opportunity to relive that event, except with a new and improved 2021 model brain, the latest model.
 
Every time we learn something new we are upgrading our brains. 2007 was a too-challenging year for me. I can remember the events of that year as a single collage, or tease them apart, remembering them one at a time with my now brain, a brain filled with new thoughts, ideas, schemas, to help me make sense of troubling memories from that awful year.
 
It's good to be able to make the past the present; and expose difficult memories to the scrutiny of one's new and improved brain. My brain is renewed, reconfigured and filled with new learning, facilitated by the monthly offerings at IE-CAMFT training/CEU opportunities.  
 
I love being part of IE-CAMFT. It means I'm part of a bigger picture, and that keeps me hopeful.
 
Warmly,
Paul Velen, MS, LMFT

From the time I was born, and likely before that, I have been taking in information from available senses — it's just the human thing to do. But how did we as a species arrive at an adaptive information processing system, one that serves to keep us safer, more likely to survive? The answer to this question is a matter of much opinion. Swiss psychologist Jean Piaget and others have always served me well, and they suggest that as we take in new information we integrate it with older observations; voilá! an adaptive information processing system.

Humans without the ability to integrate information in this way are left with points of trauma. And, integration takes time. A client shared this thought with me and I was left with a sense of just how important "time to be" was for the integration process. As a child he knew instinctively that the time he required for "being" was necessary, despite important people in his life steering him toward spending time accomplishing other goals. Whether we call this "time to be" mindfulness, meditation, or even just enjoying the view, it is a kind of catalyst that allows us to let in the new.

Once again, the monthly IE-CAMFT trainings/CEU opportunities are a catalyst that enhances the process. They build on the old, adding the new to the adaptive information system, each of us at our own rates of speed. I hope that all of you will take in the new, allowing yourself the gift of time to create a new you. I love being part of IE-CAMFT. I'm so glad to be a part of a bigger picture. It keeps me hopeful.
 
Warmly,
Paul Velen, MS, LMFT

Clients often come for help when their sense of self is compromised by an observing ego, or by significant others in their lives. The dysphoria is often palpable, and the attendant emotional pain is disorienting. They feel like an outlier — a person differing from all others in their peer group.

Who has not experienced the perceived need for caution that outliers feel when interacting with those who are among the mean of a distribution? The energy expended in hiding one's outlier status — and the fear of that status being discovered — can suck the life out of enterprise.

As humans we need to feel connected, and being an outlier feels antithetical to that feeling of connection. To have someone from the majority respect the perspective of the outlier is soothing for an outlier. As a culture we seem to be moving increasingly toward awareness of those outliers who occupy a smaller percent of the general population; this I think of as human growth.

Once again, the monthly IE-CAMFT training/CEU opportunities makes learning the perspectives of those in outlier groups of all sorts easier.  This can only serve to make our culture more inclusive. Featured speakers may give context to the perspectives of outliers; allowing them to become resources from whom to learn more in the future.  Check for more info and to RSVP for our future events: www.ie-camft.org

The effort, if successful, increases the chance we can hear the pain of more and more diverse populations, responding to them with genuine respect. The look of relief on a client's face when he/she, them/they feels heard is the best treat ever!

I love being part of IE-CAMFT. I'm so glad to be a part of a bigger picture. It keeps me hopeful.

Warmly,
Paul Velen, MS, LMFT
Nothing done for another is wasted

The Freedom of Ignorance

I often have the opportunity to learn from my clients and recently I had another such moment. She came to me feeling very disturbed by what she termed "freedom of ignorance", or the tendency in others to assume they understand her situation; so much so that they dared to offer her solutions to her problems. As she went on I couldn't help but think that the phrase would make a great title for a book or article.

As easy as it is to understand my client's complaint, it's just as easy to understand the motive of the person offering their unsolicited opinion. How freeing to offer up one's "off the top of my head" solution to their predicament.  Ah, but later – having listened more, researched more, thought more – I can better understand that client's "dance through life" and I'm embarrassed . Exercising one's right to free speech needn't be an embarrassment though, as long we remember to give two gifts, one to my client and one to myself.

The gift to another is giving them the sense that you've listened, that they've been heard, and that they're worthy of being heard. Bestowing that feeling of having been heard upon another is among the greatest of gifts we, as therapists, give. As no two humans are exactly alike, we are all outliers. To understand is not always easy, but speakers like those offered by IE-CAMFT can make it easier.

Now, the gift to myself is education.  Once again, the monthly IE-CAMFT training/CEU opportunities make that easy. The speakers provide context on a variety of subjects, and presenters become resources from whom to learn more in the future. The effect, if successful, means the difference between feeling embarrassed by my own ignorance or knowing that I got it, or at least I'm getting it. What prevents me from getting it is not what I don't know, rather it is being cavalier about my own ignorance.

I love being part of IE-CAMFT. I'm glad to be a part of the bigger picture. It keeps me hopeful.

Warmly,
Paul Velen, MS, LMFT
IE-CAMFT President-Elect

I wish us all luck in expanding our consciousnesses to include the socio-political context of others and I see each IE-CAMFT, its membership, and the offered trainings as the means to this end.

The increase in vaccination rates in the past few weeks have brought hope for an end to, if not the Coronavirus itself, at least the restrictions that were imposed for dealing with the pandemic. This is important because the external stresses brought on by the pandemic have in some cases overwhelmed our capacity to maintain emotional balance. A "safe port in the storm" has always been important and during this difficult time even more so; we, as therapists, can be for our clients that precious harbor.

I was reading an article by Sharon Ramsey about Third-order Change. She defines such change as knowledge about cultures, power dynamics, and societal structures that influence the experience of others. It makes possible the integration of systems that govern the relationship between society, families, and individuals.

My awareness of the inequities that people may experience is an important part of being present to another person — to be a therapist who truly cares when seeing a client or clients. When clients understand and sense this connection, we, as therapists, may change their vista from one looking out to a roiling, lonely sea and instead toward a safe harbor.

This is not to say that this kind of therapist-client consciousness and knowledge is an easy goal, it is not. However, it is attainable at least in part. The biggest barrier to Third-order Change, is not knowing what we don’t know.

I’m so thankful for the monthly trainings available though IE-CAMFT, not to mention my many interactions with members. These trainings, and interactions help me, and all of us, learn new ways of looking at things we know, but most importantly help us to learn things we did not know existed.  To help me learn what I didn’t know ...
I’m so glad to be a part of a bigger picture. It keeps me hopeful.

This month's virtual training is:  Ferrari Brain with Bicycle Brakes: How ADHD Shows Up in Young Adults & Teens, and When to Get Tested by Dr. Monica Blied, PhD.
Intro presentation video: https://youtu.be/Ov8u_2Y6zBI

Warmly,
Paul Velen, MS, LMFT
IE-CAMFT President-Elect